My Battle With The Beer Trolly (and others).

At work, every Friday, something called ‘The Beer Trolly’ comes round to our desks. The trolly offers up the chance to purchase beer, cider, or wine, to help see in the weekend after a hard week. The first time the trolly approached me, I asked for a Sprite, or a Ginger Beer. The man pushing the trolly said to me: “Sorry, we only serve alcohol”.

Needless to say, I went on a little bit of a rant wondering why I had to travel 4 floors down to the cafeteria to ask for a sprite, when everyone else could have their beer and drink it without getting up.  I’m now planning a tactile email approach asking (perhaps demand that) facilities to take pity on the non-drinkers of the company. Perhaps its only me, it really does feel like it!

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me since I stopped drinking. More so than often, I’m greeted with a look of disgust for daring to ask for an EANAB (an Equally Attractive Non-Alcoholic Beverage) in a bar or from someone.

Am I really?
Really? Are you sure it’s because I’M boring?

Not so long ago, my sister and I went for a Sunday Roast at a pub down in South London. I ordered a pint of Orange Juice & Lemonade and the barman said to me: “You can’t come into a pub and ask for that, I’m only going to serve you alcohol”. I laughed at him, but insisted on my pint of OJ. Reluctantly, he served it to me, handing it over with a wise-crack about me needing to live dangerously. Looking back, perhaps he was trying to flirt or something, or perhaps I’d offended him. I don’t know. Either way, I came away thinking: why is it such a big deal!? Was he working on commission?

Then there was the time when a guy approached me on a night out, an offered me a drink. He seemed like a nice enough guy, so I said alright, and asked for a cranberry juice. His response?

“You need a proper drink”.
“No no, its ok, I’m not drinking tonight)”
“Go on, let me get you a drink”
“Really, I’m fine!”
“You will be after this, go on drink it” and he promptly handed me a shot of tequila.
“No thank you.”
*F*ck you’re a real bore aren’t you!?”

I walked away, and then had to deal with him following me around all night, staring me out with disapproving looks… it was really weird, and actually became quite the comedy. Why was he wasting his night, and his time, trying to mess with me?

Time and time again, I’m left with this question: why does it matter to you if I don’t drink? What exactly IS the problem? I fear as being a non-drinker is considered not normal, it must really scare people. I’m still trying to find the answers, stay tuned for a ‘critical essay’ presented in a highly readable way with all the facts!


Why aren’t you drinking?! The Female Celebrity GIF guide to answering that awkward question.

Him: So, what would you like to drink?
Me: I’ll have a cranberry juice please…
Him: What?! Just a cranberry juice?! Why?
Me: Oh I’m not really a drinker these days.
Him: You don’t drink?! WHY the hell not!?

The above example is typical of my opening dating dialogue. It is hard enough explaining to work colleagues, or old friends why you don’t want to drink anymore, but having to explain it to a first date… well that’s always a tough one. It has become quite comical actually. I list many excuses: I’m doing dry June (coz that’s a thing!), I’m on antibiotics (prompts more awkward questions), I had a heavy night last night (in front of Netflix), I’m trying to challenge myself…etc…

After each lie comes out, I say to myself: why can’t I just be honest about it? I don’t like alcohol anymore because it makes me feel depressed. I don’t trust myself to drink in moderation. I feel incredibly guilty about what I’m doing to my insides. It really is a problem I have with myself. The truth seems somewhat more daunting than the list of endless excuses.

So, with that all in mind, I’ve put together a female Celebrity GIF Guide to answering the question: Why Don’t You Drink? Along with some of the other questions I’m asked around this subject on a night out, or a first date. Perhaps on my next date, I’ll just pull out a link to one of these, or channel my inner RiRi, and hope for the best.

Q: Why don’t you drink? 
A: Because I don’t.

Q: How on earth do you have a good time?
A: Do I look like I need alcohol to have a good time? Celebrity Gifs Jivebunnys 8600023

Q: Do people think you’re boring?
A:  Do I care what people think?giphy

Q/Statement: I quit drinking once, it made me a better person. I felt healthier, more comfortable with myself, and happier… then I started again because I realised it made me a loser.
A: Wow.


Q/statement: I don’t think I could date someone who doesn’t drink.
A: I’ll let Taylor do the talking. 


Ps. Stay tuned for part 2, where I turn to my favourite male celebs for help.